In Dreams

I dreamed about my friend Katie last night. She ended her life a few weeks ago after a long battle with bipolar. I hadn't seen Katie in years. We had been classmates in elementary school and for a brief few years, close friends. We reconnected several years back while she was traveling with her husband to LA. We met for lunch and although two decades had passed we dove right in to catching up like it had been no time at all. Her smile and her laugh hadn't changed- radiant and contagious. It was wonderful to see her.

The news that she was gone punched me in the gut. I spent hours pouring over the comments that friends and family left on her Facebook page, describing the powerful ways she had altered their lives. She was different than most of us- like a better version of a person.

Early this morning we met in my dream on a pristine white sand beach. The water was clear and the weather was perfect. We were on a vacation there together. I gave her a big hug and held on for a long time. Then I began crying and I was mad for a moment- remembering that she left this world.

"Why did you leave? Are you okay? I can't believe you left. People here love you. A lot of people."

She was calm and there was a warmth in her presence. With that gleaming smile on her face she said that she was okay. She was happy now. She was okay.

And I felt peaceful.

We spent some time walking on the beach and talking. And then she told me that she already checked in for her flight. I asked what she meant- we were supposed to be staying for a lot longer on this vacation. She said, no her flight was tomorrow and she had to go. I didn't want her to leave so I just told her, it's okay we'll change the flight so that she can stay longer. And then she was gone.

I'm really glad I got to say goodbye. I will still miss her a lot but knowing that she is happy now makes me feel a lot better.

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