Confessions Over Fruit Loops
"Meghan?" he said my name as a question in his little boy voice.
"Yes sweets?" I answered him.
"You know the other day when I called Mommy to tell her we were going to Santa Barbara and I told Mommy that it was Daddy and Riley and me and I didn't say you were with us?" he asked and rushed on as I nodded yes. "Well I didn't tell Mommy that you were with us because Mommy doesn't like Meghan and Mommy says Meghan isn't our family," he took a breath and continued, staring down at his bowl of Fruit Loops as he surged forward with his revelation. I noticed my own breath held in the back of my throat waiting for the rest. "Mommy says Meghan is bad to us," he stopped and the silence filled the stillness around us. I could feel my eyes burning back tears as I looked at him.
"Do you think I'm bad to you? I love you guys so much," I said trying to keep my voice from wavering.
"No," he replied. And then, "Ruff, ruff." Lately he had taken to becoming my cat or my dog any time we were together. It was the only time he let me hug or kiss him. The only time he told me he loved me. I have wondered if this is a way for him to show me affection without feeling like he is betraying his mom.
Kelly's warm voice full of strength and reassurance filled in the silence, "I'm sorry that happened Keaton." And then a moment later, "You're a good boy."
Keaton returned to slurping down his cereal and milk. His sister sat still as a statue, her mind moving fast but I couldn't have guessed what she was thinking.
I stood up from my spot on the bed and went into the bathroom. We had taken the kids away for a weekend in Santa Barbara and the time had been so wonderful and full of happiness. Right before Keaton's revelation I had wrapped my arms around Kelly and thanked the three of them for inviting me, for including me.
I sat on the toilet and let silent tears fall. I was angry that Riley and Keaton were being put in the middle of it all. Their mom was entitled to feel any way she likes about me but waging a hate campaign against me with her children just seemed cruel. They're kids after all. All it seemed to accomplish is make them feel conflicted about the love they have for me.
I pulled sheets of toilet paper off the roll and wiped hard at the tears. I wished very much that this wasn't happening but I have learned that wishing creates nothing more than longing. It dims gratitude. I walked into the bathroom and washed my hands and then climbed back onto the bed we were spending Easter morning lounging in. I've tried to forget those words but they are still haunting me. Sometimes all we can do is keep moving forward, sharing love and praying for blessings for the people who dislike us most.
"Yes sweets?" I answered him.
"You know the other day when I called Mommy to tell her we were going to Santa Barbara and I told Mommy that it was Daddy and Riley and me and I didn't say you were with us?" he asked and rushed on as I nodded yes. "Well I didn't tell Mommy that you were with us because Mommy doesn't like Meghan and Mommy says Meghan isn't our family," he took a breath and continued, staring down at his bowl of Fruit Loops as he surged forward with his revelation. I noticed my own breath held in the back of my throat waiting for the rest. "Mommy says Meghan is bad to us," he stopped and the silence filled the stillness around us. I could feel my eyes burning back tears as I looked at him.
"Do you think I'm bad to you? I love you guys so much," I said trying to keep my voice from wavering.
"No," he replied. And then, "Ruff, ruff." Lately he had taken to becoming my cat or my dog any time we were together. It was the only time he let me hug or kiss him. The only time he told me he loved me. I have wondered if this is a way for him to show me affection without feeling like he is betraying his mom.
Kelly's warm voice full of strength and reassurance filled in the silence, "I'm sorry that happened Keaton." And then a moment later, "You're a good boy."
Keaton returned to slurping down his cereal and milk. His sister sat still as a statue, her mind moving fast but I couldn't have guessed what she was thinking.
I stood up from my spot on the bed and went into the bathroom. We had taken the kids away for a weekend in Santa Barbara and the time had been so wonderful and full of happiness. Right before Keaton's revelation I had wrapped my arms around Kelly and thanked the three of them for inviting me, for including me.
I sat on the toilet and let silent tears fall. I was angry that Riley and Keaton were being put in the middle of it all. Their mom was entitled to feel any way she likes about me but waging a hate campaign against me with her children just seemed cruel. They're kids after all. All it seemed to accomplish is make them feel conflicted about the love they have for me.
I pulled sheets of toilet paper off the roll and wiped hard at the tears. I wished very much that this wasn't happening but I have learned that wishing creates nothing more than longing. It dims gratitude. I walked into the bathroom and washed my hands and then climbed back onto the bed we were spending Easter morning lounging in. I've tried to forget those words but they are still haunting me. Sometimes all we can do is keep moving forward, sharing love and praying for blessings for the people who dislike us most.
The more time the kids spend with you, the more they will grow to love and accept you...regardless of what their dimwit mother says. Someday, you might be surprised to learn that they actually reply to her comments about you being bad with their own opinions of how good you are. Don't let incidents like these discourage you. Let it show you how much Keaton loves and trusts you...if he didn't, he'd be part of the war his mother is trying to start. I know I've already told you this, but whether anyone likes it or not (including yourself!) you are a mother to those kids. All moms have moments where their kids bring them to tears--some are tears of joy, some are tears of sadness and hurt. Keep doing what you've been doing and those kids will continue to love you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry things are this way. Keep doing what your doing, asking him how he feels and letting him form his own opinions is the best thing you can do. When I was young I would image how I would feel if another man or woman came into our parents lives, should they ever split, and even imagining it felt painful for me. I felt hatred for a hypothetical person. This is going to be difficult for them no matter what she says.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough situations and it's painful for me to hear you go through it.
Hang in sis, time will change it.