Divorce Piggy Bank
My good friends know I'm pretty fascinated by interpersonal relationships. In college I chose a major not by what field would make me the most money, but by what I could apply in the real world to ensure a life of rich, fulfilling relationships. I was drawn to the social sciences focusing on psychology, sociology, courtship and marriage, human sexuality, interpersonal communication and personal growth and development courses. I had no idea how I wanted to spend the next forty years of my professional career but I was sure I wanted to learn how to engage with people in healthy, productive ways- at work and at home. To me, that seemed a worthwhile use of my education.
Post academia I have to find the information for myself. The internet proves to be a rich resource for my searches. As my blog sometimes illustrates I have a deep curiosity to learn all I can about how to hold on to that lovin feeling in my romantic relationship. Some of what I find is shit, but every once in awhile I'll read something that seems so spot on I want to tattoo it to the inside of my eyelids. That's how I feel about this little article titled Divorce Piggy Bank. Solid advice on keeping your marriage (or life partnership or civil union or whatever) strong. Hope you like it too.
xoxo
The Divorce Piggy Bank
The Divorce Piggy Bank Can Help Pay Your Lawyer
By Sam Margulies PhD
Having mediated thousands of divorces I have acquired some knowledge over the years of what acts and omissions reliably contribute to divorce.
I have also learned that marriages generally don't break over a specific event but rather erode over time as spouses fail to feed the marriage what it needs to thrive. I also know that most divorces are expensive and that it is common for each lawyer to ask for a retainer of $3,000 to $5,000. So this post is designed to help you finance your divorce gradually as you engage in those behaviors that slowly damage and eventually destroy your marriage.
Here is what you should do. First, buy a good size piggy bank. Every time you commit one of the acts listed below, or anytime your spouse commits one, you deposit the required amount in your piggy bank. This way, by the time you need a retainer you will have saved it. You will want to count the money in your piggy bank once a year because it may serve as a guide to how close you are to divorce. Be sure to share this data with your spouse.
Go to bed angry with your spouse. $3.
Spend an entire day without expressing affection or praising your spouse. $3.
Make a sarcastic comment to your spouse. $5.
Raise your voice in anger to your spouse. $3.
Do the above and fail to apologize. $5.
Dismiss as unimportant an issue raised by your spouse. $7.
Install a TV in the kitchen. $20.
Watch TV while eating together. $10.
Spend a night in bed with your spouse and make no gesture of affection such as a kiss or caress. $5.
Refuse a request from your spouse for sex for the second time in a row unless you have a note from your doctor. $7.
Refuse a request from your spouse for sex for the fifth time in a row unless you have a note from your mother. $30.
Roll your eyes at something said by your spouse. $5.
Refuse a request to go to counseling with your spouse. $100. (almost 100% predictive of divorce.)
Spend a year and not take a vacation with your spouse while leaving the children home. $25.
Schedule so many activities for your children that you leave no time for your marriage. Each week pay: $5.
Be upset with your spouse and not raise it because you believe it pointless to discuss it. $10.
When your spouse raises an issue stonewall and refuse to discuss it. $50.
You fail to learn what actions by you bring pleasure to your spouse. $50.
Although this list is by no means exhaustive it represents a good sample. Readers are invited and requested to add to the list.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/divorce-grownups/200904/divorce-piggy-bank
Post academia I have to find the information for myself. The internet proves to be a rich resource for my searches. As my blog sometimes illustrates I have a deep curiosity to learn all I can about how to hold on to that lovin feeling in my romantic relationship. Some of what I find is shit, but every once in awhile I'll read something that seems so spot on I want to tattoo it to the inside of my eyelids. That's how I feel about this little article titled Divorce Piggy Bank. Solid advice on keeping your marriage (or life partnership or civil union or whatever) strong. Hope you like it too.
xoxo
The Divorce Piggy Bank
The Divorce Piggy Bank Can Help Pay Your Lawyer
By Sam Margulies PhD
Having mediated thousands of divorces I have acquired some knowledge over the years of what acts and omissions reliably contribute to divorce.
I have also learned that marriages generally don't break over a specific event but rather erode over time as spouses fail to feed the marriage what it needs to thrive. I also know that most divorces are expensive and that it is common for each lawyer to ask for a retainer of $3,000 to $5,000. So this post is designed to help you finance your divorce gradually as you engage in those behaviors that slowly damage and eventually destroy your marriage.
Here is what you should do. First, buy a good size piggy bank. Every time you commit one of the acts listed below, or anytime your spouse commits one, you deposit the required amount in your piggy bank. This way, by the time you need a retainer you will have saved it. You will want to count the money in your piggy bank once a year because it may serve as a guide to how close you are to divorce. Be sure to share this data with your spouse.
Go to bed angry with your spouse. $3.
Spend an entire day without expressing affection or praising your spouse. $3.
Make a sarcastic comment to your spouse. $5.
Raise your voice in anger to your spouse. $3.
Do the above and fail to apologize. $5.
Dismiss as unimportant an issue raised by your spouse. $7.
Install a TV in the kitchen. $20.
Watch TV while eating together. $10.
Spend a night in bed with your spouse and make no gesture of affection such as a kiss or caress. $5.
Refuse a request from your spouse for sex for the second time in a row unless you have a note from your doctor. $7.
Refuse a request from your spouse for sex for the fifth time in a row unless you have a note from your mother. $30.
Roll your eyes at something said by your spouse. $5.
Refuse a request to go to counseling with your spouse. $100. (almost 100% predictive of divorce.)
Spend a year and not take a vacation with your spouse while leaving the children home. $25.
Schedule so many activities for your children that you leave no time for your marriage. Each week pay: $5.
Be upset with your spouse and not raise it because you believe it pointless to discuss it. $10.
When your spouse raises an issue stonewall and refuse to discuss it. $50.
You fail to learn what actions by you bring pleasure to your spouse. $50.
Although this list is by no means exhaustive it represents a good sample. Readers are invited and requested to add to the list.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/divorce-grownups/200904/divorce-piggy-bank
This is great! I'm going to pass this along on my blog too.
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