knots

Today was nasty. Epic nasty. I'm on the couch now wrapped up in a soft, worn blanket and my heart feels like it's been rubbed raw with a pumice stone. Awhile back I read something during a difficult period that brought me so much peace. The exact wording is lost on me in my jumbled state of mind so I'll paraphrase; what is happening right now is exactly as it should be. What is being delivered right now, is exactly what you need to continue on your path of transformation. I take comfort in this because it gives purpose to the pain, meaning to the madness. It can't be that the hurts and the sorrows of life are just random-- that growth can't be gleaned from the struggle.

Today I was faced with some of the ugliest of human emotions-- hatred, blame, jealousy, denial. I was on the receiving end of the venom that comes from a place of extreme pain and even in that moment when hate was being spewed, I resolved to feel compassion. I felt love in my heart that my "enemy" was in so much pain. I saw the angry words meant to cut to my core as nothing more than months and months of pent up raw emotion without a space to release them in. This is not to say it didn't hurt, it stung, is still stinging actually. But the logical side of me knows that today was not about me.

You cannot control how you are perceived. Give love, share light, be the brightness you want reflected back at you. The rest will work itself out.